Decoding your Values
When I think back on early experiences around noticing values within my family, a few lessons that were passed forward included: the fact there was always an extra seat at the table for others to join in, how we treat all of life with honour and respect, that it’s important to strive for excellence yet stay humble in the process, or to be sure to make time for family as the years pass by quickly.
These principles set a foundation from an early stage. They were refined and passed on from the generations that came before. This simply was the way life was. These principles were unspoken agreements that created harmony in the world around us. Delivered daily – if you were paying attention.
Values are influenced by a number of factors, such as your environment, culture, global events, mentors, family, friends and more. They may be considered a reflection that is mirrored back to you each and every day, while they in turn quietly ripple back out to the world. Values are a considerable tool to be used for conflict transformation as well as building emotional intelligence and even leadership agility. They offer great insight as a communication tool and as a path forward when you may be uncertain of what the future looks like.
Descriptive Statements
People tend to speak their values creatively through everyday interactions. When you listen with purpose and intent, you will hear descriptive statements or images brought to life. For example, consider what adventure means and the importance of this value to maintain a sense of playfulness or curiosity. The role of community is often brought forward through metaphor as a foundation or web that deepens connections, health and well-being. Examples of mindfulness are often tied together with practices of slowing down, letting go, and accepting what is, in the present moment. Adventure, community, and mindfulness are only a small sampling of examples that arise. There are literally hundreds of values to be considered.
Narrow Your Focus
It is important to narrow your focus to only 3-5 core values that are truly essential to you, in order to effectively carry them with you. Keep it simple. Clarity is key. Consider what resonates. There are many ways to decode your personal value set, whether formally through a coaching conversation, with a trusted friend, or even a good book to guide you forward. Once you have them clarified, are you willing to take time to reflect on and then share them?
Share and Develop Your Definitions
I’ll take a moment to share my personal values with you, made up of deepening relationships, fostering wellness, trusting intuition, and seeking wisdom or knowledge. Developing further definitions for each of these four examples would be a beneficial next step to layer in additional context. This next step invites you to consider how they show up in your life and whether value definitions may be similar to others (such as the words, images, metaphors used) or perhaps simply shaped through different life experiences. I encourage you to spend time working through personal definitions of each, as there is great benefit in the reflective process. You’ll then be better able to communicate and connect with them.
Listen with Intent
As we slow down, taking time to notice, we tend to build stronger relationships. Are you actively listening for values in everyday conversations? Consider what are often thought to be three different levels of listening. The first level is listening to respond, which really isn’t listening at all. It often includes judgements, internal thoughts, or pre-determined answers to what has been shared. The second level of listening is hearing what has been offered, with a decent level of understanding generated. This level is more focused on two-way communication flow. The third level of listening is about sensing what is taking place, with a heightened focus on body language or what has been left unspoken. It offers greater sensitivity to energy created and how we all show up as part of a larger system. What would the world around you look like if the skill of level three listening were commonplace?
Questions to Build your Toolbox:
- What might you do to narrow down your top 3-5 values?
- What did your family teach you related to values?
- How might decoding your personal values serve as a guiding light for the next 6 months?
- What words, images or metaphors do you consistently use that may align with personal values? What about those closest to you, what words, images, or metaphors do they frequently use?
- How often do you listen at level 1? Level 2? Level 3?
In Closing
Each and every one of us could benefit from time spent decoding personal values to then serve as a tool for intentional action. Creatively describe what is most important to you. Connect back to your purpose. Consider what definitions are driving you forward. Communicate clearly and then listen deeply to your family, colleagues, and friends.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
~ Gandhi
In closing, I encourage you to be curious about the origin of your values and reflect on your own language as well as what sounds most important to those around you. If you are keen to uncover your personal value set together, send me an email!